An Attempt to Eff the Ineffable - Transcript of “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.” from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01 (x)
It does a great job with imitating Benedict’s and Martin’s voice and delivery - and its observations are hilariously absurd yet not untrue at the same time.
“Benedict”: Morning, Tim! Tim Bowler, Timbory-Tim, Timbory, Tim, Timbory Tim, Timboree! What are you doing?
“Martin”: Oh, er, you know, I’m just, you know, er … gazing despairingly at the camera like a perplexed hamster, as is my duty as the put-upon everyman character.
“Benedict”: Well, well, you know, just to whisper in your shell-like [?] *laughs raucously* - the new guy starts today. I said you could show him the ropes.
“Martin”: Fine, er … when’s he coming?
“Benedict”: [Sherlock voice] I’ve been observing you from the reception area for the last half an hour. That is to say, I’m already here. Don’t feel bad for not noticing me sooner. When I stand very still and don’t speak, I can easily be mistaken for an incredibly ornate and attractive hat stand. The kind you find in an antique shop that doesn’t have any price tags. Don’t touch - you can’t afford. Hello.
“Martin”: Good … er … yeah, good gracious. Erm, what are you?
“Benedict”: My name is long and ridiculous, like my face. They call me Benedict Cumberbatch.
*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!
“Benedict”: Don’t worry, that always happens.
“Martin”: Uh, OK, right, yeah. Um, OK, well, so, let’s give you the tour. Well, we’ve got, you know, the photocopier here …
“Benedict”: Pish, posh, and Duchy biscuits. You don’t think I actually care about your tedious office, do you?
“Martin”: Well, no, but I sort of imagined you’re here because -
“Benedict”: Oh, you beautifully obtuse turnip of a man. I’m here because after Sherlock and the Hobbit, I’m now contractually obliged to appear in everything you ever do, shall do, have done, have so much as considered doing – don’t you understand, we go together like bangers and mash, like cream tea and scones, like a put-upon everyman character actor and a big posh flamboyant manic pixie dream boy with cheekbones you could balance a BAFTA on.
Is it a man? Is it several hyper-intelligent cats sitting on one another’s shoulders wearing a latex man-suit? Or is it an incredibly sexy horse that’s learned to walk on its hind legs and talk very very very fast?
“Martin”: Um … sorry, could you repeat all that please?
“Benedict”: No time, get down with me beneath the stairs.
“Martin”: Why? Is there someone going to try to kill us or something? Or …
“Benedict”: [dramatic low voice] No, we just need to get uncomfortably close to one other and gaze homoerotically into each other’s eyes. Can you feel the tension? Can you? Can you … do you want to give me a little kiss? Oh you mustn’t - I’m an alabaster Adonis, don’t touch me!
“Martin”: Um, yeah, OK. Erm, bit weird, er … but still, less annoying than that Gervais guy. Erm, look, erm … how much longer is this going to go on for?
“Benedict”: For the rest of your life.
“Benedict”: Now, if you don’t mind, I have to exit dramatically through a window or something, for no reason other than it looks fantastic. Bye for now, put-upon everyman character actor. Remember my name.
“Martin”: *sighs* Ahhhh - I’ll never forget you, Bumblebee Cuttlefish!
OMFG!! This is fantastic!! *still laughing!*
Peeing myself here! Seriously. I need help!
every woman on tumblr should have this on their dash
And every man
Look how nobody’s yelling or arguing or making things into a competition. Look how this is to straight up educate people through a different perspective. Look how effective that makes the message.
Being good to each other is so important, guys.
I JUST SPENT 2 HOURS OF MY LIFE TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT. OMG. MOST DIFFICULT THING I’VE EVER DONE.
I CAN’T FUCKING DO IT FUCK
let me reblog this again
AND YES! I FINISHED IT! :D
I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS SHIT FUCK
I’M NEARLY FINISHED BITCHES
this is fucking addictive aksldjaklsdj I CAN’T
I did it! omfg! 25 minutes!
ah i forgot i had this in my likes
gonna play it! why not
fuck, over an hour
protip: don’t drink while playing that
Harry Potter is like a fine whisky; it gets better with age.
Sherlock is like heroin; everyone is itching for their next fix.
Doctor Who is like red wine; mature and has a big history.
This will never NOT be hilarious. I laugh every time I see either the .gifs or the video XD
Chris…be more adorable, I dare you.
And wow…over 30,000 notes? Damn
he’s on an important journey
he’s got 2 bucks and a dream of making it big on Broadway, and nobody’s gonna stop him.
I like to think she wears a jumper because a bakery is the only place warm enough for her demonic skin.
Vote for the next one!
This makes me happy.
Captain Sashay doesn’t need your mer-binary.
Finally got another one of these out! Took a long while designing this character and making them consistent through all the panels.
Which monster should come next?
The series continues! See the previous comics over here
Vote for the next on here!
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